Happy Birthday Jaycob!!!!!

I have tried many times today to sit down and write a big ole Happy Birthday announcement for my youngest baby, but my emotions have kept me from it. Partly because I am a pregnant hormonal woman and my BABY is turning 2!! And the other part because of the sadness this day brings. I am so thankful that I have my son today, I call him my survivor baby =) Most everyone knows why.

Let me tell you that little nickname is going to fit him to the T if he continues on the path that he is headed down. This child is a daredevil and ALWAYS climbing as well as getting into trouble. And the most frustrating thing is he knows he is not supposed to do these things, yet he does them over and over!! Then he wants to look at you with the cutest face and throw his hands in the air and say, "NO?". It is so funny and frustrating at the same time. But he is a blessing none the less. I thank God for the privilege of being able wake up every day and see Jaycob's face. And what a cute one that is too. =)

My little boy is not so little anymore. He now sleeps in his own bed. And just recently he started to go to sleep on his own without the help of a bobo (a.k.a pacifier) So all my kids are broke from that thing until little one comes along. And I have said that this one will not get one if I can help it. Probably an empty threat tho...hehe. But back to Jaycob, he is so independent now everything is "I do it!" And he LOVES LOVES LOVES to talk on the phone. If you need to talk call him he would love to talk to you on the phone, maybe not to your face, but on the phone is not problem. He is a stinker. I love him soo very much.

I can't help but to look at him everyday and think to myself that there could have been two of him. Occasionally I find it a good thing that there are not, but mostly I long for having them both. I may not have ever been able to hold my living, breathing, full of life Jeffery, but I miss him as if I had. I feel like the day he was born I took whatever life he had away. But it needed to happen for Jaycob's sake and I would not have had it any other way. But it still hurts. I know there was no way that he would have ever formed properly, but I can't help to think, "Man that would have been wonderful!' But I know also that God had a purpose for Jeffery. I do not know what that was, maybe through the whole ordeal we touched someone's life, I can hope that happened.Maybe I will never know, but I do know that I am thankful to God for giving me Jeffery. I am a different person now, I guess stronger would be the word because of the whole ordeal. And I hold on to the fact that I know that I will see Jeffery when I get to heaven. I will be able to see his face, and see the life in him. And he will greet me as if he has always been by my side.

I am sorry to have gone so mushy gooshy on ya, I just needed to let that out. While I am thankful for Jaycob and believe me I cannot count my blessings enough for him, I am still so sorrowful on this happy day, for the loss of my baby Jeffery.

But even though it is late..... HAPPY BIRTHDAY my baby boys!!!! Mommy loves you!!!

This is me at 71/2 months with Jaycob and Jeffery

This is the day Jaycob came home from the hospital.

And this is my little man now, he is so big!!! Too CUTE!!!!